


Ex Astris

by Nakimochiku



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gundam, M/M, Minor Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11795892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakimochiku/pseuds/Nakimochiku
Summary: For their tiny space colony, it was either join the Confederation, join the Earth Core, or be crushed. Gojyo is one of the mobile suit pilots for his colony's pitiful space forces. That is just the start of his problems.Caught in a never ending war, Gojyo struggles against the void, against the enemy, and against himself. But at least Hakkai is there to help.





	Ex Astris

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom has literally every AU known to man, i had to dig real deep to think of this. So i started this to celebrate saiyuki reload blast coming out.... here it is six episodes later. Many Thanks to Svetla and EzraTheBlue for betaing and helping me figure this out. if left to my own devices this would have become a 30k political intrigue. with lots, lots looooots more sex.

Gojyo wakes to the void, to distant pricks of starlight, the guide strips on the floor of his bunk, and the yellow glow peeking from beneath the door. These small evidences of life bring him comfort, soothing him before he can work himself into a panic.

Hakkai is sleeping warm and easy and silent beside him. Or so it seems. Sometimes, Gojyo wonders if Hakkai isn’t actually asleep at all. He wonders if he lays awake in the dark like Gojyo does, and replays that god awful explosion in his mind over and over until it’s lights on, back to the grind, back to the war, back to the terror--

But he knows that can’t be.

Here in the dark, Hakkai looks at peace. He rarely looks at peace anymore, despite his ever-present smile. So Gojyo sighs, settles down. He turns to curl into Hakkai’s side, his steady, assuring presence and tries to sleep.

Anyway, _that night_ is not the one Hakkai would dream about.

But he is awake now, with no hope of falling back asleep. Gojyo sits up in bed and lights a cigarette. He leans against the porthole, a small eye into the nothingness, and breathes out, watching the curl of his smoke like a distant galaxy.

He’s tired.

*

_They used to call his Gundam Verdant Fury. wherever he went, destruction followed, like the glowing wake of his repulsors in the emptiness of space. They called his battles massacres, because no one made it out alive. No one could escape once he turned his rabid rage on his targets, devouring them whole. And what could Gojyo do except have his back, clean up his remainders, fight and kill, while Hakkai sought to destroy the whole universe for taking her? After all, wasn’t it Gojyo’s fault? Wasn’t it all his fault Hakkai was doomed to live in a universe without her in it?_

_The thought made Gojyo fight just as hard._

_They called Hakkai Verdant Fury. Gojyo was Vermillion Storm._

*

The docking bay smells of hot metal, ozone and oil. Someone laughs and hauls the massive cable charger into place. Someone else flashes a coloured light to signal the people floating on the supports several feet above. Overhead, Sanzo’s sharp demands boom over the ship’s comms. Gojyo whistles tunelessly, pausing to readjust the tied sleeves of his engineer fatigues around his waist. It gets too hot wearing the full thing, and the rough fabric itches. Red waits for battle, almost silent compared to the work going on at the other end of the bay. But then, their fleet is small, and they took a hell of a beating. All they’ve been doing is taking beatings, it seems, since--

“How's it coming?” Hakkai's voice ghosts across his ear with a puff of hot breath. Gojyo yelps and loses his grip on his torch. Luckily it sputters and dies, spinning lazily away from them while gojyo clutches his chest to still his racing heart.

“Jesus, Hakkai. You want I should get you a bell?”

Hakkai laughs at him. He manages to make zero-G movement graceful, like swimming. He floats in front of Gojyo, inspecting his patch job keenly. “We’ve discussed this. It wouldn't suit me.” He smiles almost secretively at him, swims closer, then gently, affectionately brushes Gojyo’s hair back from where it drifts into his face. His eyes are calm and warm. Gojyo’s never seen Earth, never seen plant life that wasn’t carefully terraformed, but he imagines Hakkai is to him what the serenity of a lake in the forest would be to Earthers.

“You were up so early today.” Hakkai says, tilting his head in concern. “I didn’t know what to do when I woke up and you weren’t there.” He lets that hang, then laughs gently, “Snoring like a motor.”

“I don’t snore! And anyway I couldn’t sleep.” Gojyo wishes he were wearing his welding mask. If he were, then Hakkai couldn’t see the obvious guilty expression twisting his mouth. Gojyo fiddles with his work gloves.

“We’re all--” Hakkai starts, then thinks better of it because he shakes his head, lets his warm left palm rest on the side of Gojyo’s sweaty neck, pulling him in to press their foreheads together. “You don’t have to do it alone. I’m right here.”

Gojyo thinks of melting into Hakkai, wrapping his arms around him and never letting go and just fucking forgetting. But then someone wolf whistles and someone else makes kissy noises and Gojyo has to shove away with an affected grin and laugh, “Lookit you, slobbering all over me! Gotta think of my rep, you know?”

Hakkai smiles too, because he knows he’s joking. His eyes are hot, and Gojyo hopes he isn’t blushing, because that look means later, maybe tonight, in their bunk or in a random hall or right here in the hangar when no one is looking, he will have Gojyo just the way he wants him. He finds his torch again. Hakkai grins, and floats to some other part of Red to start working.

*

_She’d been on a supply transport, though he’d told her it was too dangerous. She’d laughed and said in war, everything was dangerous. She wasn’t going to sit on their colony and wait for comms that might stop someday. Gojyo had stupidly backed her up. She had the right to fight too._

_He didn’t even have a body to bury. There was no wreckage, no floating bits of life to mark where she’d once been. Gojyo thinks that was the hardest part for him. Of course, he’d heard her last frantic transmissions. Desperate to save her, Gojyo had followed Hakkai out into the void, the light from his repulsors flaring as bright as shooting stars as he streaked to her location. They were too late, of course. There was no scream, just a flash in the distance as the transmission cut out in a burst of static._

_The only scream out there was his._

_*_

Gojyo is already halfway into his black and red flight suit when the alarm goes off. He sometimes thinks he's developed a sixth sense for danger. He snaps an elastic band off his wrist to tie his hair back, and launches himself off the wall, snatches his helmet on the way, and hurries to the hangar.

Goku’s already climbing into his aptly but stupidly named Aurelian Sage. He waves eagerly at Gojyo, gives him a thumbs up, and closes the hatch on his mobile suit. Engineers buzz around it, making last minute touches and unlocking the charging cable. “Aurelian Sage, heading out!” Goku chirps over the intercom, and launches out of the hangar.

“Gojyo!” Hakkai’s voice cuts over the din, his face drawn and grim. He waves him over to Red, where the hatch is already open and a team is already checking his weapons. Some idiot tries to buff out a dent with a handkerchief. The ship rocks with a devastating explosion, tossing people and machinery around like toys. “Hurry,” he urges, checking Gojyo’s suit over.

“Goku’s fine,”  Gojyo drawls, and gestures up as Goku’s wild laugh and cheers sound over the comm and another blast rocks the ship. Sanzo screams out: “Take the fight _away_ from the ship, bolts for brains!” Gojyo grins at Hakkai’s disapproving face like it proves his point. He slips his helmet on before Hakkai can do something sappy and dumb like kiss him. “Could always be out there with me, you know.” He jerks his chin at where Verdant waits for her pilot, wreckage long repaired in snatched hours between battles by Gojyo’s careful hand.

“While my place will always be by your side,” Hakkai says, the way he always does, every time Gojyo invites him, “that isn't my role any more.”

Gojyo has nothing to say to that anymore. He swallows his bitterness and gives a thumbs up. Hakkai closes the hatch. Red flares to life around him, comfortable and purring beneath him. “You gave her one hell of a tune up, huh?” He says through his comm. Hakkai chuckles obligingly.

Through the roar of the launch in his ears, Gojyo thinks he hears Hakkai say, “be careful.”

It’s chaos outside, as always. Sometimes, on bad nights, he dreams about dying in the chaos and the nothingness, so insignificant, another casualty in this long long war. But he shoves those fears away with the rest. He's a support unit. Goku flits in and out of the enemy ranks like a bright yellow bird, leaving destruction wherever he goes, explosions blooming in the nightscape like flowers. Gojyo hefts his rifle onto his shoulder and blasts.

He's a support unit. He supports.

“Oh no you don't, you little bastard,” he snarls, laying out a long line of plasma fire to halt the enemy’s advances. There is a lull, a second, before they explode dramatically.

“Gojyo,” Hakkai says urgently. “At your three, four units incoming.” Gojyo yanks the handles of his steering back sharply to swing around and intercept his enemy. The long barrel of his gun catches one mobile suit across the head. “Gojyo!”

“Relax, relax. Easy as pie.” Gojyo grunts out, tossing one enemy into each other. Suddenly Goku flits up and neatly smashes all three units. Gojyo braces himself for the shock of the explosion. “Thanks, monkey boy!”

“No prob, pervy cockroach!”

“Cute as your witticisms and pet names are, can we focus?” Sanzo demands.

“Have the ship lay down some suppressing fire, Goku and I’ll flank em.” This maneuver used to be easier with the four of them, but Hakkai -- and then Captain Koumyou died, leaving Sanzo in charge, so it’s just Goku and Gojyo watching each other's backs.

The battle is easy to win, even if it takes a while. He tears through enemy mobile suits like so much paper. He tries not to wonder if they're as young and scared as he used to be. He tries to stop thinking of them as human.

When he steers Red back into the hangar, his dash beeps at him, indicating low charge, and her hull has been peppered all over with singe marks and bullet holes.

“Welcome back.”

Hakkai is waiting for him when Gojyo slumps out of the cockpit, barely holding himself up by gripping one handle bar. He almost falls until Hakkai’s hands come up to steady him.

Gojyo takes off his helmet and shakes out his sweaty hair. “Easy as pie.” He repeats. It doesn't matter that it isn't true. It hasn’t been for a long time.

*

_After her, Hakkai’s grief had been a weapon. There had been nothing, no other thought except who he would plunge the knife blade of his grief into next. It had pained Gojyo to stand near him and know he only wanted her, but he'd done it. He followed him out into every battle._

_After her, there'd been the battle of Qurupi Myar. There were flames, and they were outnumbered and he hadn't cared. He sought death. Whether it was of others, or himself, death was the only result that mattered, so long as Hakkai could burn everything in his desperation for her. He charged in recklessly, and what could Gojyo do, except have his back, like always?_

_Gojyo doesn't blame him for what happened, but it's enough that he blames himself._

_Cradling Gojyo’s limp unconscious body in the aftermath of Qurupi Myar, Hakkai swore it was over. Never again._

*

Red’s metal is cool against his palms while Hakkai is hot hot hot, draped across his back, moving languidly, surely, playing him like a tool while Gojyo pants and groans into the still air, not yet reduced to whining and writhing but close, so close --

“What do you think would happen to your rep if the others saw you like this?” Hakkai purrs against the curve of his shoulder, nosing at his hair. He leisurely pushes his fingers in just so, scraping his nails gently across Gojyo’s chest so he doesn’t know which touch to arch into first. “If they saw how much you liked it.”

“Fuck, Hakkai.” Gojyo moans in response, squeezing his eyes shut and imagining someone seeing him like this -- “Hakkai,” he says again, a little more strained.

“Yes, Gojyo?” Hakkai answers, cool and calm and in control. The only indicators that he isn’t as unaffected as he seems are the crush of his hand at his waist, leaving bruises, and the steady grind of his cock at Gojyo’s hip, like he can’t wait to be inside him, take him apart completely. Sometimes, Gojyo thinks his own imagination does most the work for Hakkai, but it doesn’t seem to matter when he’s dizzy and spiraling and ready, so ready, he’s been ready since they started. “Tell me how much you like it, and I’ll give it to you.”

“Like it,” Gojyo chokes out. “Love it, want you to--” Hakkai’s palm claps across his mouth. Far above, at the other end of the hangar, a door slides open, spilling light from the hallway into the empty room. Quickly, Hakkai opens Red’s cockpit with a soft hiss of hydraulics and gets them both inside. Just as quickly, he tugs the latch to pull it closed. It’s tight inside, and Hakkai shoves the seat all the way back so Gojyo can settle on his lap. The only light is the red blinking instruments around them, giving Hakkai’s devious expression a demonic glow.

“Now, where were we?”

Gojyo doesn’t have time to answer. He thinks of saying this is a bad idea, what if they get caught, but God, he loves bad ideas and he loves danger even more. When Hakkai gives him that look and grinds up meaningfully, cock hot even through his fatigues, Gojyo doesn’t know how to say no.

“You were just about to fuck me stupid, I think.” Gojyo arches, presses close, his hair spilling over his shoulder, and hears Hakkai’s startled intake of breath. He knows what he looks like in the low light, and he knows Hakkai’s weak to it.

It’s a matter of seconds and practiced movements to get Hakkai’s cock free and slicked, to position Gojyo over him and let him sink inside, so that Gojyo quivers, full and hot and wonderful. He almost forgets how to breathe, there’s just Hakkai inside him, hair mussed against the headrest, watching him hungrily as his body takes him deeper and deeper until they are inseparable and Gojyo groans lowly. They rock together slowly, and with a little difficulty, until Gojyo places his hands on the armrests and Hakkai grips his ass so they can get more power in their movements. Every other word is praise or prayer or breathless curse. He think he might break apart, but at least Hakkai’s there to hold him together. Hakkai’s nails bite into his skin and his teeth scrape across his throat and Gojyo might be saying something like “Yeah, yeah like that, Hakkai fuck--” but it spins out of control in the tight humid air of the cockpit.

It seems to take hours or a matter of minutes. Gojyo threads his fingers into Hakkai’s hair, feels a heat and a pulse low in his belly, growing tighter and unbearable, feels Hakkai moving inside him. “Oh fuck!” he gasps one last time as he comes messily between them.

Hakkai’s not done, though. Hakkai is a monster where it concerns stamina. If he wanted, he could keep Gojyo here all night, fuck him over and over again until he was a mess. Tonight, however, he seems content with this. He murmurs love and praise until he moans out his orgasm too, burying his face in Gojyo’s neck.

They pant together in the dim red light, sticky and hot. Hakkai seems plastered to the leather seat, eyes hazy and still hungry, as though no matter how much of Gojyo he has it will never be enough. Gojyo’s calves seem permanently dented by the hard armrests, but he can’t bring himself to care with Hakkai’s cock still inside him, not while he’s idly considering round two.

“We fucking defiled my cockpit.”

“Yes,” Hakkai says lightly. “I believe we did.” He grins at Gojyo. “But you have to admit, you’ve always wanted to have a tryst here, correct?” Gojyo punches him in the arm, and just as quickly follows up with a kiss.

“Yeah. Let’s make the most of it, huh?” They grin together in the red glow and taste each other passion as many times as they can stand.

*

 _Their colony was nestled near a moon they mined for ore. The population was only about ten thousand strong, with one bar, one general store and only one massive telescreen_ _to keep them updated on the growing tensions between the self titled Confederation and the Earth Core. It was small and poor and lucky to have two freighter class ships and four mobile suits to its name._

_Gojyo had hated it with a passion as he toiled in the mines, dreaming of leaving, of doing something great.  When the war broke out, it was join the earth core alliance or the confederation of colonies, or be crushed. Gojyo had enlisted right away, talking big about protecting everyone, “Sit back and don't worry about a thing.”_

_How were they to know they’d be crushed either way?_

_The five hundred or so people who lived and worked on the modified freighter ship, hastily outfitted with outdated weapons and equally hastily weaponized mobile suits, arrived just in time to watch their colony, small, poor, unwilling accomplice thought it had been, blow up. The light it made is still seared onto Gojyo’s retinas._

_What was this for, he asked the sad moon, pock-marked all over with mines. What was this all for?_

*

Sanzo likes to keep the bridge dark. The massive view screen glimmers with stars as far as the eye can see and beyond. The sedate darkness of the bridge is interrupted only by the glow of instruments and interfaces, casting a green glow on the operators’ faces while they murmur coordinates to each other, or glance around for Sanzo wrathful gaze and gossip. The ship beeps contentedly, different sounds at different tones that all indicate the same thing; for now, there’s no danger. The four of them gather around the tabletop interface in the upper deck of the bridge. Gojyo leans his hip heavily against it, considering Hakkai’s slim frame in it’s glow, before Sanzo starts talking.

“Supply routes are cutting here to here in quadrant Delta.” Sanzo draws a glowing line on the interface with his stylus. I want an in and out mission. The ship will wait here.” He draws a sloppy circle. Gojyo, you'll be right here,” a triangle this time. “Providing support for Goku. You take out the first two cars. Goku will take out the last two. It’s the middle one we want. Once the middle car is secured, Goku brings it back to the ship in this trajectory.” He draws a dramatically curved arch. “Intel says this cargo should only be moderately defended. If it's not, we’re up shit’s creek without a paddle, because we’re the only units in this quadrant.” He levels Gojyo and Goku with square looks. “Don't fuck up.”

“When’ve we ever?” Gojyo grins, jostling Goku. “You underestimating us, Captain Princess?”

Goku laughs brightly. “We’re the best.”

Sanzo scowls, expression made ominous by the glowing interface beneath him. “Freaking idiots. Get the fuck out of my face.” This is as close as he’ll ever come to a military dismissal.

Gojyo saunters out while Goku barrels on ahead of him to the mess hall, laughing exuberantly about all the things he’ll eat when he gets their new supplies. Gojyo pauses in the doorway, watching Hakkai and Sanzo bend their heads together over their plans and whisper, the activity of the rest of the bridge buzzing around them while they are still, a locus of control. Then the door beeps and hisses closed.

He waits in the hallway, stomach growling, waving at passing cadets, winking at the engineering girls so they giggle at him. Eventually, Hakkai strides out. He blinks at Gojyo, like he wasn’t expecting him, then smiles that warm forest by the lake smile.

“You waited for me.”

“No shit. C’mon, I’m hungry, let's go grab something before Goku eats it all.” Gojyo drapes his arm over Hakkai’s shoulder, and tugs him along.

“You know.” Hakkai says after a moment, not even attempting to pull away, instead letting his arm curl around Gojyo’s hips, like they’re supporting each other. “You ought to be careful for this next mission. There’s a lot of information the Confederation has neglected to tell us. It looks rather suspicious, and we have no idea what you’ll be flying into tomorrow.”

“We’re never really sure what we’re flying into.” Gojyo lopes along easily, grins at Hakkai’s exasperated sigh. “Could always come out with me. I know you miss it sometimes.”

“I miss it the way an alcoholic misses the oblivion alcohol affords,” Hakkai says gently.

They turn a corner together, wave at a gaggle of ship hands, and keep heading to the mess hall. They can hear Goku telling an obnoxious story even through the thick bulkheads. They head inside and move directly to the replicators, standing hip to hip and holding their trays, waiting for their food to cook.

“You miss being a badass that struck fear into the heart of every Gundam pilot from here to quadrant Beta, don’t fucking lie.” Gojyo teases.

Hakkai grins back. “Yes. I might miss that part a little bit.”

*

_Some nights Gojyo wants to wail, but he’s had a hard life until now, he’s long forgotten how. He misses the mines. He misses kicking his dusty boots up on batter aluminum tables to antagonize bar girls. He misses the friendly faces he used to pass, the guys he hustled at cards and the girls he took home even though they knew he was bad news and his shitty little apartment. Despite it’s size, it was a lucky score because it had a view and the prettiest twins in the world were his neighbours --_

_And Hakkai… he doesn’t know how to help, because he’s already lost everything once, his universe long narrowed to this ship, and this war, and this forgotten corner of space. All he can do is pull Gojyo close and listen while he spills it all out, asks him if he remember the way their star system had glittered off the moon, only visible through Gojyo’s small window if they took turns looking at a certain angle._

_Gojyo remembers the way the moon had glittered when Earth Core forces destroyed their poor, tiny colony, that hadn’t been worth anything to anyone but them. He remembers how beautiful utter destruction had looked._

_*_

Hakkai’s skin is warm, familiar, good. Gojyo places kisses over his left shoulder, where he has three lovely little moles. Hakkai’s long graceful fingers slide over his back, tracing the ridges of his spine moving up until he tangles both hands in Gojyo’s hair and pulls him up to slot their mouths together, tongue sliding into his mouth so Gojyo purrs and presses closer. This is all he needs. Outside, the stars are cruel and cold, but Hakkai is sunlight in a solar system he’s never known, filtered and glittering.

Gojyo pulls away just enough to look into Hakkai’s face. “I was so fucking mad at you.” he says, because tomorrow it’ll be just him and Goku on a mission, and he needs to say this.

“About?” Hakkai hums, fingers touching his hair, his jaw, the two jagged scars on his cheek.

“You just fucking left me out there! Quit to become an engineer like you weren’t our ace fucking pilot. But…”

Hakkai sighs, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the pillow. “I was tired, Gojyo. Tired of being angry and tired of it coming back to you--”

“I get that now, okay? I thought about it a lot and I get it. You were tired. I’m tired too. I don’t know what this is for anymore, and I’m tired but--” he tries to look fierce and sure and forgiving and loving. Hakkai’s eyes glitter. “I have to keep doing this. It’s not about...the war or the Confederation or the Earth Core or vengeance or I dunno what else. It’s just about you. It’s you and Captain Princess and monkey boy and everyone else. You guys are it for me now. So I’ll keep going, if that’s what you want.”

“Oh, Gojyo.” Hakkai rains kisses over his face like a meteor shower, paying extra attention to his scars. “I’d rather run and take you with me. I wish we could get as far away as possible, just be left in peace. But that’s impossible. And even if it were, you would never agree.”

Hakkai kisses the corner of Gojyo’s mouth almost reverently. Gojyo sighs happily and wonders if they could get any closer to each other.

“Oh, Gojyo,” Hakkai says again. “You’re brave and foolish.”

“When this is over, we can run,” Gojyo promises. “As far as you want, wherever you want.”

“Yes.” Hakkai agrees. It doesn’t matter which system they choose, they could live on an asteroid belt for all they care. So long as they are together.

*

_There were cave-ins more graceful than the wreck Gojyo made of himself. It had been hard drinking, hard fighting, hard fucking, a scream caught in his throat that he couldn't ever let loose or else he couldn't stop._

_Sometimes, vindictively, he was pleased that Hakkai was now the one on the sidelines, watching him implode, that he now understood how Gojyo struggled after her._

_Where he had been a supernova, rage and grief exploding outwards, Gojyo had been a black hole, destruction turned inwards, heavy and dark and consuming._

_*_

Gojyo is on standby by Red while Hakkai checks her over. Goku has already launched in Sage and is grunting along while Sanzo repeats the mission over the intercom. Things like “are you even listening, monkey in a space suit?” and “I’m listening, I’m listening, _follow the flight plan_ blah blah, monkey. I got it,” all fade comfortably into the background.

Hakkai floats back down to him. He’s not smiling now. “Be careful,” he says for the thousandth time, like the more he tells him the more it will come true.

“Never been careful a day in my life. Made it through so far.” He grins.

Hakkai cracks a reluctant smile. “Well, try for me today, if you’d please.”

“Eh, maybe. I’ll see.” Gojyo clambers into his cockpit gracefully. “Could always come with me, you know.” He says easily. Hakkai just smiles, and closes the hatch, sealing Gojyo inside Red.

“Mission starting in three. Two. One. Launch!” Sanzo calls over the comm. Gojyo’s hurtled into space, until their ship is a little glimmer and sheen of metal behind him. His sensors pick up a long line of ships at his twelve o’clock.

“Hey… You said there was supposed to be five cargo ships right? Because i'm picking up like five battle class ships and two carrier class.” Gojyo relays over the comm.

“Fuck.” Sanzo hisses.

“Should we call off the mission?” Hakkai inquires.

“You know, if you're gonna pretend to be an engineer, you shouldn't be sitting in on mission briefings and patching in to command comms.” Gojyo drawls.

Hakkai laughs gently.

“Banter later, annoying lovebirds.”

“Should I attack?” Goku chirps. “The middle ship looks real big and shiny, imperial class, I think. I bet that's our target.” Gojyo can see the compact shape of his Gundam, flying so quickly he blurs and seems to leave after images, like the pretty holo Hakkai has of a hummingbird.

“You weren't fucking kidding about the Confederation holding back on us--” an alarm blares as his sensor picks up incoming enemy hostiles. Sanzo swears, Goku whoops and dives in to engage, Gojyo fires as back up. Each hit creates a bloom of light like fireworks in the darkness, the sound of explosions muffled but still somehow tangible.

“Watch where you're shooting huh, asshole?!” Goku yelps.

“Didn't hit you, did I? I've never missed a day in my life and I’m sure as shit not gonna start now!”

“Well--”

“The fuck did I say about banter?”

“Ahahaha!”

For a moment it is like before, violence natural around them even as they laugh it off. It’s like all four of them are in battle again. Gojyo grins and finds that place inside himself where everything is cool and weightless, and lines up his shots like he's playing pool.

“The enemy’s mostly using drones.” Aurelian Sage cuts through a line of them like butter, leaving awake of explosions. “Freaking boring.” Goku whines.

“Don't flipping complain, bolts for brains, that's the only reason this mission is going even slightly according to plan.”

Sight target. Lock on. Breathe out. Shoot. Breathe in. Repeat. Everytime he squeezes the trigger and does the calculations, he destroys something. Goku loves to divide and conquer but Gojyo likes to get them all packed tight together and blow them all at once with a well placed shot.

“Got a clear path to that middle ship. Want me to destroy it?”

“You know what,” Sanzo drawls. “No. Bring it in. I wanna see what the fuck was so important the core sent over two carrier class ships, and then I wanna know why the hell the Confederation didn’t tell us about it.”

“Okay, I'm going in! Woohoo!”

“I'll cover you.” Gojyo smirks.

At first holding back the drones is easy. Their coordinated flight patterns are measured, repetitive and predictable. Without Goku flying in and out of the drones’ ranks, there's a greater number, but nothing he can't handle. In the distance, Goku takes on the battleships weapons, heading for the main imperial class cruiser.

“Gojyo.” Hakkai’s voice is tinged in vague alarm. “That ship is sending out mobile suits.”

“Fuck.” Plasma fire rocks around him while Gojyo swings Red around in attempts to dodge. He can't them get in too close, if they corner him he's done for. Red wasn't built for speed though, she was built for power and stamina. Running is useless, so he swings back around and tries to take out as many enemies as he can. When he shoots down one in a brilliant explosion, two more seem to take its place.

A mobile suit slams into his back, jerking Gojyo around inside the cockpit. He yanks hard on the controls, swinging around until the suit flies off. There isn't enough space for his guns, so he swings them like bats, shoulder mounted machine guns peppering fire all over his attackers. They return fire, but Red’s armour is thick, she was made for defense, to stand guard, solid and impenetrable. A plasma shot hits him square, close range, he feels the heat even through his armour. “Come and get it, you sons of bitches!” Gojyo snarls, artlessly returning fire and grunting when the resulting explosions toss him around in the cockpit. Hes pinned on every side, taking heavy damage. Red beeps and wails at him as his armour warns of critical failure and another plasma shot punches through Red’s shoulder joint.

“Gojyo!” Hakkai calls out over the comm, and then he’s there, shiny green metal blasting enemies with repulsor shots. They fly off like so much dust and explode, tossing Gojyo around. “Are you okay?”

“Bruised but not dead,” Gojyo hisses, struggling with Red’s jammed controls to get his rifle up on his shoulder again. Verdant Fury is a storm, large glowing blasts of energy wiping out the enemy, or elegantly smashes when they get to close. “Told you you were supposed to be out here.”

“Ahaha,” Hakkai laughs noncommittally. “I'll go back up Goku, shall I?”

“Hakkai!” Goku adds in, “you're out here too?! Awesome! Let’s fuck these guys up!”

“Who taught you to speak like that, fucking monkey?” Sanzo growls.

“Wouldn't you like to know!” Goku pauses and says, “Oh, by the way, while Gojyo was getting his ass handed to him and had to be rescued like a princess--”

“Who the fuck are you calling princess?!”

“--I caught like, a prince or something trying to escape in a shuttle. I have him in custody.”

“Idiot!” Sanzo screams out. “Say shit like that sooner. We’re going into warp. If you assholes aren't with the ship, I’m leaving you behind!”

“How unlike you to turn tail and run.” Hakkai laughs out blandly, as if he weren’t artfully smashing mobile suits.

“Shut up. We got what we came for, so let’s go!”

They leave the battlefield in a chaos of debris with the war ships in hot pursuit. Gojyo sucks in a deep breath. He aches. He can feel Red shaking all around him in the warp, he’s long been deafened by sirens concerned by his vitals and his Gundam’s damage. But he closes his eyes and listens to his friends banter and grins. “How was flying again, Hakkai? Like riding a bike, huh?”

“Yes. It felt good to beat them up after they hurt you so badly.”

Gojyo scoffs. “Wasn’t that badly hurt. They barely scratched me. I had it handled.” He expects Hakkai to laugh that vague disarming laugh and threaten him with a week of shitty deep space ration bars.

“Gojyo.” Hakkai says quietly, intimately, over the comm while Sanzo and Goku are still screaming. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah.” Gojyo whispers back. “Thanks.”

*

_His breaking point is like an event horizon, unavoidable destruction._

_And yet, somehow, Hakkai is there to squeeze him back into something human shaped again._

*

Hakkai commandeers some poor cadet’s quarters with a mild but forceful smile, while Goku and Gojyo frog march their captive into the room and sit him on the bed. Gojyo settles in against a burnished chrome wall and favours his aching ribs where he was tossed into Red’s side panels one time too many. Hakkai joins him a moment later, discreetly hooking his thumb in the notches of Gojyo’s flight suit. Sanzo comes in after they’ve all settled, standing imposingly in the door way and scanning the cramped quarters before he steps forward and lets the door slide shut behind him. He yanks out the small desk chair and sits, crossing one ankle over his knee, cigarette in his mouth. “Talk.”

“I thank you for sparing my life.” Commander Prince Kougaiji looks them all square in the eye. Gojyo wants to whistle lowly. They guy has presence and charisma, rivalling their own captain. His expression crumples into a furious scowl. “Is that what you expected me to say after you ripped through my forces? Those were good men out there--!”

“Yeah.” Sanzo cuts in, slapping his palm down on the table. “And this is war.” Like everything, he says it like his meaning is self explanatory.

Gojyo rolls his eyes hard, “Stop grandstanding and cut to the chase, huh? We don’t have all day and I bet those bastards are gonna want their prince back.”

“Where were you going?” Sanzo demands. “What is the Commander Prince of the Earth Core doing this deep in space with a veritable army?”

Kougaiji tips his chin up haughtily. “I was on my way to sign a treaty with the Confederation.”

“Treaty?” Hakkai repeats. “We haven’t heard anything about that.”

“The entirety of the Earth Core has yet to agree to conditions. I was supposed to initiate talks. The Confederation told me they would send an escort.” He looks them over and sniffs like they’ve presented him with a very disappointing plate of food. “I suppose you were supposed to be that escort.”

“Well sorry for being bad.” Gojyo drawls under his breath. Hakkai jabs him in the ribs.

“They told us you were a supply convoy. They told us to destroy you.” Sanzo frowns at his hands. “Clearly someone in the Confederation doesn’t mind dragging this bloodshed out.”

Kougaiji frowns too. “There is a rat on my end as well. It’s true that my stepmother is something of a profiteer.”

Both Captain and Commander sit in contemplation. “Hey Hakkai,” Goku whispers. “What’s happening?”

“In short,” Hakkai says in his sweetest school teacher voice. “Prince Kougaiji is stirring the pot with talks of peace. Both the Confederation and the Earth Core want to take him out, because he’s probably the only one with enough influence to actually end this war.” He taps his finger against his chin and smiles. “We were supposed to kill him without ever knowing who he really was.”

“Oh.” Goku blinks stupidly for a moment, looking back and forth between Hakkai and Kougaiji. “So they want the war to go on forever? Why?”

“Who can say.” He shrugs.

“Aren't you a little laissez-faire about this new information?” Gojyo mutters. Hakkai’s smile grows a little broader.

“Hey.” Sanzo interrupts. Kougaiji hums lowly and meets his eye. “Are you serious about ending this war?”

Kougaiji looks him up and down, arms crossed, completely at ease. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll help you.” He stands so quickly his chair screeches and teeters. The crash echoes in the small space.

“Where’re you going?” Gojyo asks as Sanzo stomps towards the door. Its slides open with a hiss, the bright hallway backlighting his impressive scowl.

“Just meet me in the hangar.”

*

_There are other breaking points. Other interstellar disasters that play through his brain on repeat until he’s coiled tight in bed, clutching the sheets and quaking with rage, and fear, and heavy heavy exhaustion._

_He weathers them all with Hakkai, who is the calm of a still green lake shadowed by wide green leaves, some safe green place he’s never been but he knows because he sees it when Hakkai smiles--_

_They called him Verdant Fury, but that's not what Gojyo calls him._

*

Sanzo stands tall in the hangar. He’s in his old flight suit, deep violet and black, while the ship hands and engineers haul his mobile suit out of storage. Violet Maten gleams as though excited for the havoc it will wreak beneath Sanzo’s hands. “Today, the Confederation abandoned us.” he announces. Workers pause in palpable surprise. “They let us go into a dangerous mission half cocked to do their goddamn dirty work. They wanted us to kill the only man who could put an end to this filthy war, or die fucking trying, because to them, we’re expendable.” Dramatic as always, he leaps from the observation deck and floats in the zero grav down to his mobile suit. Gojyo rolls his eyes. He may as well strike a pose while he’s at it.

“Don’t laugh.” Hakkai whispers, elbowing him in the side. “You know he has a flare for aesthetics.” Gojyo snorts.

“I, for fucking one, am done being expendable. I’m done giving all I have to this pointless fucking war that our colony didn’t even want to join to begin with. And I’m fucking done laying down lives for a cause I don’t believe in. As of today, I fight on Kougaiji’s side. I’m fighting for peace. Real fucking peace.” He holds the hangar rapt in awe; He’s as beautiful as a demon, powerful on his mobile suit. “They want expendable, I’ll show them fucking expendable. And I’ll fuck them up the whole way there too.”

No one fucking breathes.

“Fuck yeah!” Goku shouts, breaking the silence. “Let’s go fucking rogue! Fuck the Earth Core! Fuck the Confederation too!”

“Watch your fucking language,” Sanzo snaps.

Gojyo and Hakkai exchange looks. “Count us in,” Hakkai laughs over the growing murmur and discordance.

“This has been a four man team from the start and it’s staying that way,” Gojyo adds. He turns to Hakkai while the crew around them shout agreements and rejoinders, growing louder and raucous. Sanzo looks like a king sometimes, people can't help but follow him. He lets his fingers curl in the excess fabric of the fatigues at Hakkai’s back, considers pressing their foreheads together. “Guess we don't get to run yet, huh?”

“My place is here.” Hakkai replies.

“Freaking sap.”

*

_In a hundred years, on the eve of some other cosmic war, they will find their four gundams in some hangar on some dead end dust planet, where Sanzo left them because “if someone wants those hunks of junk they can have them”._

_They will not know Gojyo was the last one out of the hangar, gazing up at Red where she stands taller than the other three. Then Hakkai tugged his arm, jerking his chin to the shuttle waiting for them, Sanzo and Goku both already filing in._

_They will crack open the hangar and have no idea what became of the pilots of some long forgotten war, faded from history into myth. They will not know Gojyo slammed the large metal shutter down and pull Hakkai close to say, “As far as you want.”_

_In a hundred years on the eve of some other cosmic war, in front of four relics of Gundams, they will not know two of those pilots disappeared among the stars, swallowed by the void. They will not know they ran until they were from the stars themselves._


End file.
